Diary of a Glad African Woman -- Part 4

~Ka-Di --- My Rendition of Goodbye~

Goodbye in a sense can be by far the most distressing word in the English dictionary. It is what we say as a farewell. The word itself can be followed with a flood of mixed emotions. It could bring happiness, sadness, liberation, and even mourning. Many languages and cultures have their own translation of the word. The Thai say “la Korn”, the Italians say “arrivederci”, and the French say “au revoir”. My people the Ibibio’s closest rendition of the word is “Ka-di” which I translate to mean “Go and Come “. In essence my culture is not afraid to let go of family and loved ones. Instead we let them go and let them know our arms will be open to welcome them back. We love you, we would like you to stay but there is a whole other life for you to experience. Go and come back with fascinating stories, go and come back with gifts. Go and come back with help to save us all. Go and come back before my birthday, go and come back in the rainy season.

Ka-di does not mean the one parting will always come back in person. The soldier may come back in the form of a letter filled with beautiful parting words and memories of bravery. The one gone will come back in our minds in the form of delightful memories of wonderful adventures. You will see the person when you hear a song they very much loved. You will see the person when you recall who taught you how to read. You will see the person when you remember when they made you laugh or cry. Go in person, come back in my heart.

My Granddad has just completed a successful life. He had a fulfilling career as an Ambassador, started a wonderful family which will continue growing stronger and stronger for generations. He was a Christian faithful to his Catholicism beliefs. He was a Father who opened his home to many. He was a Son of his soil who aspired for the development of his community. I am grateful that in my lifetime I got to meet him and eat cashew nuts served by him. There is nothing dreadful about the death of a fruitful life. Dry your tears everyone, Granddad is off to the next episode of an interesting life series. While we may miss him, please welcome the culture of my people and tell him Ka-di. Go Granddad and come back in our hearts.

This is a real piece I wrote that was published in the programme of my Granddad's funeral of April 10th 2010...

Ibibio is a Nigerian tribe, find out more about the Ibibio culture on Wikipedia

Inspire me...Make me cry

Who is worse?? A suicidal person that plans to kill himself/herself any day from now. Or someone who does the very things that are bad for the health with consequences of side effects that can explode to something serious or even death. Personally I would go for the suicidal person because that person is sad and ending a life prematurely. However the negative indulging person is still as guilty of leading a life towards destruction. I am among one of the many negative indulging people. Indulging in the very things that I know are bad for me. Oh the consequences of some short term gains.

I wonder what goes through a suicidal persons mind. It is quite terrifying I imagine to be in such an emotional state. I pray to never be in such a position where I would let my self go to the world. No matter how bad things may be I hope the Lord gives me the strength to keep finding happiness.

I find myself in state where I am emotionally broke. By this I mean I lack emotion at the moment. I lack Inspiration, I lack passion for anything. Things that used to make me happy do not have that much impact on me now. Things that used to make me angry do not anymore. I need to feel my heart beat, I want to be excited. I want to loose my voice from screaming so loud because I was so terrified of something or someone. Nothing scares me these days, no one upsets me anymore. I surprise myself with my reactions these days. I never even know what I will do next. Feelings that ran deep through me are not there anymore. I don't even dislike people anymore. I don't get offended anymore. I do not love anymore.

I have said I am soul searching, but what does that even mean. I know who I am, I know things that should make me happy. The fact that those very things don't make me happy now confuses me. I want to be inspired. I want to cry. I want to laugh. I want to get so angry. I want to feel something. I have to get my emotions back. I want to be me when I was 5. I was so innocent, so full of life and a cry baby. When I got upset I cried, I need those very tears now. I need to get out, I need to go find new things to inspire me...make me cry!!