Extra-Marital Affairs Frustrate Me ---Pardon me while I rant...

I am sure you see my heading and immediately wonder why I seem very easily roused about the subject when I am not even married. I am far from ready to get hitched, not every twenty something year old Nigerian woman/girl/babe is fixated with the idea of planning a big wedding or gaining esteem for being able to get a man to propose. I am not trying to be the next Oprah Winfrey LOL I do not even want to ever be that powerful and rich seems like too much burden if you ask me. I just want to discover me, own myself for a little longer before committing to share all of me, mind, body and soul to one person for the rest of my life. If I ever walk down that aisle I want to feel like my life would be deficient without that one person, he should make me a version of me the world cannot do without.


So do I get frustrated about a topic that does not yet concern me yet? First of all the term “Every man cheats” infuriates the “mind my French” out of me. I do not even think it is the phrase itself that annoys me but the self proclaimed exposed women who preach the sermon to their daughters when they are about to get married. Or should I make this more Niche?, and say Nigerian women who believe that the secret to a happy marriage is to go in eyes wide shut ignoring the man’s indiscretions as long as he does not try to replace you with one of his mistresses. This mentality of the women over the years has made the men to misbehave without a conscience as they know their wife is going nowhere! , and in turn in modern day Nigerian society the women are now also getting their own fun outside. Most Nigerian men would dare not suspect their wife of cheating, their egos won't allow them to question the frequents late night church services she attends. People say men can differentiate sex from love and emotions but women cannot, hence the reason it’s more jaw breaking when the woman is the culprit. At the end of the day none of these cheaters will leave the marriage because, society condemns it, it’s a comfortable financial set up and last but not the least the “children”.

I make too many references on this blog to the show “Scandal” I am beyond over Olivia Pope’s affair with Fitz, get over it people at least in this lifetime. Leave it to the next life hopefully then fate would be considerate and make your circumstances more ideal. My problem is when people try so hard to rationalise extra marital affairs especially when the man has admitted to being in love with the mistress, everyone goes all “but they are in love, so it is meant to be”, what frustrates me even more is when everyone tries to make us understand why his wife is evil. My point is he knew she was evil when he decided to go in front of God and man and marry her regardless. And if she is really that evil can we hear DIVORCE? Okay in some cases I hear the man does not start such a love affair until he has completely left his marriage which I think is better, but still it frustrates me watching a man (In the case where a happy home), leaves his happy home, wife and kids to pursue the subject of his affections. My reasoning is you should be married to the love of your life anyway, you settled and now please keep  settling don’t break hearts and families because you could not wait for love, or you let love pass you by. I think I am less frustrated about affairs that have nothing to do with love, just a man looking for a lesser woman to boost his ego or a women solely for physical pleasure.

I am currently reading Chimanda Adichie’s new book Americanah and I am already getting frustrated not because of the book itself but because of Ifemelu and Obinze's overdramatized love. Obinze is now married to Kosi with kids, but has still not gotten over Ifemelu, who from where I am still reading has hope of reconnecting with him when she moves back from America to Nigeria. Woman! he has kids, a wife who has done nothing but love him dearly, leave him alone!!!!

None of my friends who have already finished the book have agreed to tell me how it ends, so I have to stay patient and see what happens. I am seriously sensing they will have an extramarital affair and it frustrates the "mind my French" out of me.

SWEET LOVE- without tragedy

"I dont want normal and Easy, OR simple...I want...painful! Difficult!! Devastating!! Life changing!!! Extraordinary!!!! love" - Olivia Pope (Scandal)

I see how the sub-heading (quote) on this post would lead one to believe I am validating this type of painful, devastating love. Okay may be I sort of am in a twisted way, I really think everyone is entitled some drama in their love life at some point if not for anything but to have a good story to tell. We want the Noah and Allison's (The Notebook movie), the Romeo and Juliet's these are what make good stories. Heart breaking stories is what we want to talk about, to be honest easy love is very boring. Haha after all is said and done "what is love with tragedy?". Well i'll answer that, it is still love, but I get it!, there is a sort of addictive feeling we get to the kind of love that has all sorts of screaming red warning signs!...

                     

Hmmmm well my advise to anyone seeking the sort of love Olivia Pope from scandal seeks is to engage in it just for a short term basis. Go ahead have your intense passion "We found love in a hopeless place" type of love, but come out of it one day and have the kind of love you deserve which I call "SWEET LOVE". What is sweet love? I would say sweet love is one that does not hurt 80% of the time, for 20% you are allowed to not stand each other but 80% let it be beautiful, easy and comfortable. If you must dalliance with Mr OMygosh Sexy Wrong in your youth, get all the burning dysfunctional desire out of your system while you are young. 

When you are ready for the type of love that is made in heaven, marry your best friend!, the one who understands you, the one who comes with love, understanding, comfort and NO  okay may be a tiny little bit of tragedy to spice things up *wink*.

With Love,

RD x

P.s my second Scandal inspired post, after I watched the last episode and Olivia said that line, I thought gosh what is wrong with women and causing their heart breaks???.... and if you still dont watch Scandal what is your excuse??? #nocomment. 

Short Story 1 - Happy Birthday Stranger

Daisy is getting dressed to go for dinner, it’s her birthday and she is meeting with some of her girlfriends and friends from work they are going to a new Brazilian restaurant which is rumoured to be West London’s must go to location. Her phone rings she tries to reach it but it’s too late as it stops ringing once she gets to it, she looks at the caller ID and the number is unfamiliar. But then it starts to ring again and she picks up and says “hello” after two seconds of silence she hears a familiar voice say “Merry Christmas” and she bursts into laughter and Henry joins her in the laughter and after what seemed like five seconds of laughter he says “ Happy Birthday stranger”.

It had always been like Henry to say  “Happy New Year” on Easter Sunday and say  “Happy Hanukah” on Valentines Day.  Daisy sits on her bed and she is pleased that after all this while she still finds his alternative jokes highly amusing, she says “thank you stranger”. It has been five years since they both talked, they had promised to remain friends but that never happened. They both now even live in different countries. After what happened five years ago one would think the conversation would be awkward but before ten minutes they had summarised what had gone on in the last five years of their life’s. She got her dream job in London as a magazine fashion editor and he is working for one of the oil companies back in Nigeria and recently got a promotion. He loves his job because he gets to travel a lot, but he starts study leave in three months as he has been accepted to do his MBA at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. She tells him that she met her Idol R-Kelly last year at a concert and was even able to steal a picture with him.

Then the inevitable discussion of their love life comes up, he says that since they stopped talking he did not get into anything serious for two years and was quite the player. He had eventually gone into two pretty serious relationships, which eventually ran their course, but he is now in love with a lady called Stella. Stella had been his dentist for the last year and there was an attraction between them but he only asked her for a first date around valentines day and it has since blossomed into a solid relationship, although still in the early stages he had a really good feeling like he had finally found his soul mate in Stella. The big problem is that in three months he is relocating from Lagos to Chicago and he does not know if they can go the distance for two years till he returns, but he hopes so cause he feels that she is the one and if things go his way after his MBA he plans to get married to her.

Daisy tells Henry she just split with her boyfriend of four years after refusing his marriage proposal. He bursts out laughing saying “poor guy, Daisy will anyone ever be good enough for you?”.  Daisy is silent and he immediately apologises that that was uncalled for him to say that, she says “its okay Henry no need to apologize, to be honest you may be right something is wrong with me I tell you Kevin is the perfect guy every mother wishes her daughter brought home”. Then Henry says “so why did you refuse his proposal?” Daisy goes on to tell him about her Kevin who also resides in London and works in Information Technology, they started off so well and at some point she admits that she thought she was in love with him. She says the last year had been like a Déjà vu doing the same thing, nothing was exciting anymore and all she had left for him was admiration and respect but the fireworks were long gone and she knew she could not commit to that forever.  Daisy tells Henry that she felt very bad for doing that to Kevin but she feels in the long run he will be happy she said no, when he meets someone and feels things that he never felt with her. Henry is silent and Daisy says “Henry I am really happy for you hope everything works out with Stella”.

Daisy had never dated Henry they were just very close friends, but that changed after one mad drunken night. They were both single at the time, they had gone drinking after going to see a movie together but they broke tradition of their friendship and woke up the next morning in the same bed in an awkward situation. Things never remained the same and to make matters worse they could not put it behind them and act like it never happened because Henry told her he always had strong feelings for her and she on the other hand did not feel the same way. Everything changed, they started talking less and eventually completely stopped, he moved from London to Lagos and it was easy to stay out of each other life’s, as he did not even have a Facebook account.  That is why this phone call was the last thing Daisy had expected on her twenty fifth birthday. Henry says he was in London for the week and was now in the airport on his way back to Lagos and he never forgot her birthday and decided to try her number and luckily for him she had the same number. “Henry I am happy you called, and I am sorry that we...” he stops her “Daisy I have to go now the plane is boarding, it was lovely talking you I wish you all the best in life and hope you find what you want in love someday” she says “Bye Henry” and he hangs up. She smiles as she is putting on her make up, that phone call has to be mother natures way of letting her know a new chapter in her life is about to start and she is finally free of the past.

On her way to dinner as she is locking her door, she hears a voice say “hello” and she turns and sees a charming, talk dark handsome man smiling at her. She says “hello” and he starts walking towards her as she is walking towards her car. He tells her he is her new neighbour and his name is Stephen she says, “Welcome to the neighbourhood, I am Daisy”. He asks where she is going and she tells him it is her birthday that she is going for dinner with friends, he says “Happy Birthday Daisy why did you not invite me, or does your boyfriend not approve of you having male friends?”. Daisy laughs and says she does not have a boyfriend and he says “I do not have a girlfriend too so that’s good to know”.  Daisy opens her car door and tells him she will see him another time as she is running late. Stephen says to Daisy “ I look forward to seeing you everyday, moving to this neighbourhood must be the best decision I have made in my life”. Daisy smiles at him, shakes her head closes her car door and starts the engine.

The end!

When you see me

There is a particular phrase I hear many a time "you have not changed one bit". Normally depending on who says this to me I feel nervous or actually very delighted. If its said from a long lost very special friend because of what we shared I am usually certain its meant as a compliment. Have you ever reconnected with someone that was close to you in the past and find that time has changed the current of the friendship. It may be because the other has developed into this whole different person, not a bad person but just not your ideal type of company. So when I see this long lost friend and we are within five minutes talking like we were never apart, it an awesome feeling of comfort and relaxation.

There are other times when this phrase is said to me by someone who I never really got along with, it is kind of like you did not like me then, and you do not like me now. It is either the other's fault or mine, and when it is the other's fault, maybe because they have an unpleasant and unfriendly vibe then I am not worried. But if it is my fault of being quick-tempered or some other fault I have then there is a big problem! You could not have seen me when I was thirteen and see me at twenty one and dismiss me as the same sharp tongued little brat. I want you to see this new empowered woman I have been working so hard to be. Within the first five minutes of our re-friendship or re-acquaintance I want you to say "wow I am so impressed". There is warmth in knowing a friend likes you the way you are, but there is joy when a friend is blown away by your improvements. There is a sense of growth you feel when someone who never rated you in the past, is captivated by your spirit, and enthused by your proactivity.

When you see me I want you to see a young strong woman, and not a feeble little girl. When you see me I want you to see in my eyes, the future the world needs. I want you to see me in the best way you allow yourself to, forgive my mistakes, accept my apologies and welcome my growth.

Communicating with Lyrics

Part 1

Girl: I don't want to wait for our lives to be over

I want to know right now what will it be

I don't want to wait for our lives to be over

Will it be yes or will it be sorry?

(Lyrics from I don't want to wait-Paula Cole)...Full song

Boy:This time I want it all This time I want it all
Showing you all the cards Giving you all my heart
This time I’ll take the chance This time I’ll be your man
I can be all you need This time it's all of me

(Lyrics from This Time-John Legend)... Full Song

Girl: I know you've seen a lot of things in your life
It got you feeling like this can't be right
But, I won't hurt you, I'm down for you, baby

(Lyrics from Trust-Keisha Cole ft Monica)...Full Song

Boy: Baby, you can do no wrong
My money is yours, give you a little more because I love ya, love ya
With me, girl, is where you belong
Just stay right here, I promise my dear I'll put nothin' above ya, 'bove ya

(Lyrics from Love me -Justin Bieber)...Full Song

Part 2

Girl: But nothing's greater than the rush that comes with your embrace

And in this world of loneliness I see your face
Yet everyone around Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

(Lyrics from Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis)...Full Song

Boy: I've tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes
What you did and where you're comin from
I don't care, as long as you love me, baby

(Lyrics from As long as you love me - Backstreet Boys)...Full Song

Girl: I love you, please say
You love me too, these three words
They could change our lives forever
And I promise you that we will always be together
Till the end of time

(Lyrics from I love you -Celine Dion)...Full Song

Boy: As I write this letter
Send my love to you
Remember that I'll always
Be in love with you

Treasure these few words till we're together
Keep all my love forever
P.S. I love you
You, you, you

(Lyrics from P.S I Love You -The Beatles)...Full Song

Inspire me...Make me cry

Who is worse?? A suicidal person that plans to kill himself/herself any day from now. Or someone who does the very things that are bad for the health with consequences of side effects that can explode to something serious or even death. Personally I would go for the suicidal person because that person is sad and ending a life prematurely. However the negative indulging person is still as guilty of leading a life towards destruction. I am among one of the many negative indulging people. Indulging in the very things that I know are bad for me. Oh the consequences of some short term gains.

I wonder what goes through a suicidal persons mind. It is quite terrifying I imagine to be in such an emotional state. I pray to never be in such a position where I would let my self go to the world. No matter how bad things may be I hope the Lord gives me the strength to keep finding happiness.

I find myself in state where I am emotionally broke. By this I mean I lack emotion at the moment. I lack Inspiration, I lack passion for anything. Things that used to make me happy do not have that much impact on me now. Things that used to make me angry do not anymore. I need to feel my heart beat, I want to be excited. I want to loose my voice from screaming so loud because I was so terrified of something or someone. Nothing scares me these days, no one upsets me anymore. I surprise myself with my reactions these days. I never even know what I will do next. Feelings that ran deep through me are not there anymore. I don't even dislike people anymore. I don't get offended anymore. I do not love anymore.

I have said I am soul searching, but what does that even mean. I know who I am, I know things that should make me happy. The fact that those very things don't make me happy now confuses me. I want to be inspired. I want to cry. I want to laugh. I want to get so angry. I want to feel something. I have to get my emotions back. I want to be me when I was 5. I was so innocent, so full of life and a cry baby. When I got upset I cried, I need those very tears now. I need to get out, I need to go find new things to inspire me...make me cry!!

New Year Resolutions

This year has been fantastic, the Good the Bad and Ugly but mostly good! Lost loved ones welcomed new people to my life. I reached out for hands and touched hearts in the process.In some cases I meant no harm but actually caused pain. I have aged, grown and matured a bit. I have experienced physical and mental pain. I have experienced unexplainable euphoria and have seen hilarity at its peak. I am grateful to my family and friends for being there for me. I may not always spell this out in words but they mean a lot to me. They all add to my life in very unique ways, even though I may come across as little miss independent who seldom asks for help. Knowing that I have a number of caring people out there to help me if I wanted is refreshing. The Lord has been faithful, the Lord has been good to me and I am amazed by his glory.

Next year I hope to transform from the girl you used to know to the woman you are glad you know. "Everyone wants to change the world but no one wants to change themselves" It is easy to point out all that is wrong with everyone else but hard to see our own flaws. In my quiet times I have tried to view myself from the eyes of the outside world and like everyone else I have flaws. In the new year I hope to get better as a person and mature as an individual, learn from my experiences and accept positive change..

The new year resolutions...

(the girl you used to know to the woman you are glad you know)

1. Be more prayerful and spiritual; I am a Christian and prayer should not just be seasonal and timed, prayer should be a conscious and an unconscious relationship with me and heaven speaking to my Lord and seeking guidance. In my decisons I should consider the spiritual reprecautions as there is more to come after this life.

2. Love; show love, give love, share love and express love. I am not always expressive with love even to my mother and sometimes I come across as distant. I know deep inside that I love to great depths but I am not always expressive. Even when I admit love I do not always show it in a convincing way. Basically I will call my parents more often and not only wait till they call me, express my appreciation to them in a more convincing manner.

3. Think before I speak; like a crude oil refinery I should refine my thoughts before I bring them out as words. I often just say what is on my mind without considering how it will affect others. Though it may be an honest snap shot of what is on my mind it does not always clearly portray what I truely feel. What I have said to people have come across as blunt even when it should not have. I am not a theserus who always has the best suitable alternative words but I can take a few moments to consider my words or consider silence.

4. Be more sensitive; be more sensitive to peoples feelings. It is a sort of selfish trait of mine to consider myself first before others. When making decisions sometimes I fail to consider the impact it may make on other peoples lifes. I come and go as I please which may be good for me but in the process hurting people I care about. I know the right things to say at times but hold back so as not to come across as too sensitive. Maybe its time for me to think of the bigger picture. It may be time for people to see a side of me I hardly share.

5. Procrastinate less; If I stopped procastinating I would achieve much more in life. I should perhaps approach a method where the last minute does not exist. In all works of my life from education, to even family obligation, I should work in a decent proportionate time scale. This will be a hard transformation but I should make a huge effort to procrastinate less.

I have many more resolutions but these are the key ones that can even be expanded. I hope to be a better person by the end of next year. I am looking forward to next year. Age and Maturity they say are two different things as I age in the next year I hope maturity comes my way too.

Capturing Love through my Camera

Sometimes pictures tell stories...I was out with a friend and while sitting on the grass in the park we noticed a trend of couples....so I brought out my camera to take a few pictures...the trick is they are unaware of this so there is no falseness in the photos..From the pictures I'll make a brief explanation of what I think is going on in their relationship...this should be fun humour me a bit :)

My Favourite couple..I do not sense any pretence here they are genuinely in love at least for now..haha we all how know things could go,fingers crossed it will last :).

The Date didn't go so well for the girl but she will stay in the relationship because everyone in school thinks he is cool.


He treats her much better than her ex boy friend did and she makes him happy.


Married for over 30 years and still in love.

Hope we get the holiday we deserve.

Very soon Im going to ask her to marry me.
we have to do something different tonight.

Just married we both hope this marriage lasts.

I hope he changes his mind and decides to stay an extra day.

It's possible that she is not a fan of where they are going.

when did we get so old..*sigh*

*Bored* and when we get home the kids will give troubles.

He may not be perfect but he is the best for me..she nags but I always come back.

I wish he asked me more about what I was feeling instead of going on about football.

Our little family is not so bad after all.

Our daughter is the glue of this marriage.


This was fun..xoxo

I Love Your Smile.....I Relate with Your Frown

When you smile so many words come to my mind, beautiful, dashing, handsome, charming, lovely, gorgeous, pleasing, I could go on. You may never know what exactly your smile does to me and the world. It is difficult to explain and even more it is also uneasy for me to admit the impact of your pleasing beauty. That’s why I try to make you smile, call me selfish for needing this from you for my personal desire. The day I knew I loved your smile was that Day. That day I was consumed with my own moody senses. As usual I am thinking as I am dancing, confused while I am singing, sad while I am laughing. I was dancing and smiling, wondering and.... then I turned and spotted your smile. Tick-tock time flashes and there is a need in me to walk towards your smile. Everyday day from afar I spot your smile I am pleased.

One day I know it’s you from afar even if you are facing me with your back. That day I am filled with confidence and I walk up to you. I tap you at the back and say hello you turn and say hello back. What I see in your face is unfamiliar if I am to be correct it’s a frown. Instantly a spark in me is quenched, there is a need for me to understand your frown. I ask what is wrong. You look into my eyes like you are trying to read my soul to decide whether to trust me. I smile at you and say talk to me I introduce myself to you as Friend. You introduce yourself to me as Lover. You tell me what lies beneath your frown. You complain about the part of the news I hate too. You have similar family stories; you have an equally challenging past. I begin to share with you too; I tell you what I sometimes think of while I am dancing. I begin to notice as your frown begins to soothe to an expressionless stare. You pick up my hand and place in yours, you smile I smile back; I am pleased. Now I am your Friend and you are my Lover just as we were the day I approached your frown. I always did and will always love your smile. However I’ll never forget it was your frown I related to and still do. Friend and Lover shall live happily ever after and after that.