Extra-Marital Affairs Frustrate Me ---Pardon me while I rant...

I am sure you see my heading and immediately wonder why I seem very easily roused about the subject when I am not even married. I am far from ready to get hitched, not every twenty something year old Nigerian woman/girl/babe is fixated with the idea of planning a big wedding or gaining esteem for being able to get a man to propose. I am not trying to be the next Oprah Winfrey LOL I do not even want to ever be that powerful and rich seems like too much burden if you ask me. I just want to discover me, own myself for a little longer before committing to share all of me, mind, body and soul to one person for the rest of my life. If I ever walk down that aisle I want to feel like my life would be deficient without that one person, he should make me a version of me the world cannot do without.


So do I get frustrated about a topic that does not yet concern me yet? First of all the term “Every man cheats” infuriates the “mind my French” out of me. I do not even think it is the phrase itself that annoys me but the self proclaimed exposed women who preach the sermon to their daughters when they are about to get married. Or should I make this more Niche?, and say Nigerian women who believe that the secret to a happy marriage is to go in eyes wide shut ignoring the man’s indiscretions as long as he does not try to replace you with one of his mistresses. This mentality of the women over the years has made the men to misbehave without a conscience as they know their wife is going nowhere! , and in turn in modern day Nigerian society the women are now also getting their own fun outside. Most Nigerian men would dare not suspect their wife of cheating, their egos won't allow them to question the frequents late night church services she attends. People say men can differentiate sex from love and emotions but women cannot, hence the reason it’s more jaw breaking when the woman is the culprit. At the end of the day none of these cheaters will leave the marriage because, society condemns it, it’s a comfortable financial set up and last but not the least the “children”.

I make too many references on this blog to the show “Scandal” I am beyond over Olivia Pope’s affair with Fitz, get over it people at least in this lifetime. Leave it to the next life hopefully then fate would be considerate and make your circumstances more ideal. My problem is when people try so hard to rationalise extra marital affairs especially when the man has admitted to being in love with the mistress, everyone goes all “but they are in love, so it is meant to be”, what frustrates me even more is when everyone tries to make us understand why his wife is evil. My point is he knew she was evil when he decided to go in front of God and man and marry her regardless. And if she is really that evil can we hear DIVORCE? Okay in some cases I hear the man does not start such a love affair until he has completely left his marriage which I think is better, but still it frustrates me watching a man (In the case where a happy home), leaves his happy home, wife and kids to pursue the subject of his affections. My reasoning is you should be married to the love of your life anyway, you settled and now please keep  settling don’t break hearts and families because you could not wait for love, or you let love pass you by. I think I am less frustrated about affairs that have nothing to do with love, just a man looking for a lesser woman to boost his ego or a women solely for physical pleasure.

I am currently reading Chimanda Adichie’s new book Americanah and I am already getting frustrated not because of the book itself but because of Ifemelu and Obinze's overdramatized love. Obinze is now married to Kosi with kids, but has still not gotten over Ifemelu, who from where I am still reading has hope of reconnecting with him when she moves back from America to Nigeria. Woman! he has kids, a wife who has done nothing but love him dearly, leave him alone!!!!

None of my friends who have already finished the book have agreed to tell me how it ends, so I have to stay patient and see what happens. I am seriously sensing they will have an extramarital affair and it frustrates the "mind my French" out of me.

Diary of a Glad African Woman--Part 3

Yesterday I was on a 3 hour train journey,I was seated beside a beautiful African woman. I was chatting (typing) with a mate on my Blackberry and I hear her say “what is with this generation and the need for constant communication”. I turn to look at her and laugh, we begin discussing and she shares her story with me.



She has never been married and is 40 years old. She has not exactly given up on the idea of marriage. She has been engaged twice but never made it to the altar. The main problem was that the men could not get over her success. She sits over millions and has built a successful business from scratch. Both men had always said this was not a problem but a few months to the wedding started showing insecurities. Both times she called off the marriage. Now she has been in an on and off relationship with a guy for 5 years. He wants to get married but she is afraid of committing because of what happened in the past. She knows she may not be able to have her own kids anymore and is open to the idea of adoption in future. She spends a lot of time with her nieces and nephews who are very fond of her. In her business more than half of her employees are male. She has been said to adopt a more masculine approach at work like a lot of successful business women. However when doing business deals she still has to prove herself all the time. She cooks, she bakes, and she makes her own pizzas from scratch. She is very intelligent and did very well in school. She has won a number of awards for her achievements. She is a philanthropist and is often called to give empowering speeches to women.
I thought this African woman was a very ardent independent woman. However I am aware that the world may frown at a woman who has called off two weddings and is refusing to commit to her present relationship. The world would perhaps feel sorry for her as she has no children to call her own and share her wealth with. The world should not judge this woman; she got success at a young age and it’s a baggage she has to carry with her for the rest of her life. Will men ever get over their insecurities when dealing with such a successful woman?

This is the 21st century personally I would want to have it all balanced properly; the family, the home, the career. This I am told is a close to unattainable combination.