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Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Thursday 23 May 2013

Extra-Marital Affairs Frustrate Me ---Pardon me while I rant...

I am sure you see my heading and immediately wonder why I seem very easily roused about the subject when I am not even married. I am far from ready to get hitched, not every twenty something year old Nigerian woman/girl/babe is fixated with the idea of planning a big wedding or gaining esteem for being able to get a man to propose. I am not trying to be the next Oprah Winfrey LOL I do not even want to ever be that powerful and rich seems like too much burden if you ask me. I just want to discover me, own myself for a little longer before committing to share all of me, mind, body and soul to one person for the rest of my life. If I ever walk down that aisle I want to feel like my life would be deficient without that one person, he should make me a version of me the world cannot do without.


So do I get frustrated about a topic that does not yet concern me yet? First of all the term “Every man cheats” infuriates the “mind my French” out of me. I do not even think it is the phrase itself that annoys me but the self proclaimed exposed women who preach the sermon to their daughters when they are about to get married. Or should I make this more Niche?, and say Nigerian women who believe that the secret to a happy marriage is to go in eyes wide shut ignoring the man’s indiscretions as long as he does not try to replace you with one of his mistresses. This mentality of the women over the years has made the men to misbehave without a conscience as they know their wife is going nowhere! , and in turn in modern day Nigerian society the women are now also getting their own fun outside. Most Nigerian men would dare not suspect their wife of cheating, their egos won't allow them to question the frequents late night church services she attends. People say men can differentiate sex from love and emotions but women cannot, hence the reason it’s more jaw breaking when the woman is the culprit. At the end of the day none of these cheaters will leave the marriage because, society condemns it, it’s a comfortable financial set up and last but not the least the “children”.

I make too many references on this blog to the show “Scandal” I am beyond over Olivia Pope’s affair with Fitz, get over it people at least in this lifetime. Leave it to the next life hopefully then fate would be considerate and make your circumstances more ideal. My problem is when people try so hard to rationalise extra marital affairs especially when the man has admitted to being in love with the mistress, everyone goes all “but they are in love, so it is meant to be”, what frustrates me even more is when everyone tries to make us understand why his wife is evil. My point is he knew she was evil when he decided to go in front of God and man and marry her regardless. And if she is really that evil can we hear DIVORCE? Okay in some cases I hear the man does not start such a love affair until he has completely left his marriage which I think is better, but still it frustrates me watching a man (In the case where a happy home), leaves his happy home, wife and kids to pursue the subject of his affections. My reasoning is you should be married to the love of your life anyway, you settled and now please keep  settling don’t break hearts and families because you could not wait for love, or you let love pass you by. I think I am less frustrated about affairs that have nothing to do with love, just a man looking for a lesser woman to boost his ego or a women solely for physical pleasure.

I am currently reading Chimanda Adichie’s new book Americanah and I am already getting frustrated not because of the book itself but because of Ifemelu and Obinze's overdramatized love. Obinze is now married to Kosi with kids, but has still not gotten over Ifemelu, who from where I am still reading has hope of reconnecting with him when she moves back from America to Nigeria. Woman! he has kids, a wife who has done nothing but love him dearly, leave him alone!!!!

None of my friends who have already finished the book have agreed to tell me how it ends, so I have to stay patient and see what happens. I am seriously sensing they will have an extramarital affair and it frustrates the "mind my French" out of me.

Monday 28 February 2011

Diary of a Glad African Woman -- Part 4


~Ka-Di --- My Rendition of Goodbye~

Goodbye in a sense can be by far the most distressing word in the English dictionary. It is what we say as a farewell. The word itself can be followed with a flood of mixed emotions. It could bring happiness, sadness, liberation, and even mourning. Many languages and cultures have their own translation of the word. The Thai say “la Korn”, the Italians say “arrivederci”, and the French say “au revoir”. My people the Ibibio’s closest rendition of the word is “Ka-di” which I translate to mean “Go and Come “. In essence my culture is not afraid to let go of family and loved ones. Instead we let them go and let them know our arms will be open to welcome them back. We love you, we would like you to stay but there is a whole other life for you to experience. Go and come back with fascinating stories, go and come back with gifts. Go and come back with help to save us all. Go and come back before my birthday, go and come back in the rainy season.

Ka-di does not mean the one parting will always come back in person. The soldier may come back in the form of a letter filled with beautiful parting words and memories of bravery. The one gone will come back in our minds in the form of delightful memories of wonderful adventures. You will see the person when you hear a song they very much loved. You will see the person when you recall who taught you how to read. You will see the person when you remember when they made you laugh or cry. Go in person, come back in my heart.

My Granddad has just completed a successful life. He had a fulfilling career as an Ambassador, started a wonderful family which will continue growing stronger and stronger for generations. He was a Christian faithful to his Catholicism beliefs. He was a Father who opened his home to many. He was a Son of his soil who aspired for the development of his community. I am grateful that in my lifetime I got to meet him and eat cashew nuts served by him. There is nothing dreadful about the death of a fruitful life. Dry your tears everyone, Granddad is off to the next episode of an interesting life series. While we may miss him, please welcome the culture of my people and tell him Ka-di. Go Granddad and come back in our hearts.

This is a real piece I wrote that was published in the programme of my Granddad's funeral of April 10th 2010...

Ibibio is a Nigerian tribe, find out more about the Ibibio culture on Wikipedia


Friday 6 August 2010

Capturing Love through my Camera

Sometimes pictures tell stories...I was out with a friend and while sitting on the grass in the park we noticed a trend of couples....so I brought out my camera to take a few pictures...the trick is they are unaware of this so there is no falseness in the photos..From the pictures I'll make a brief explanation of what I think is going on in their relationship...this should be fun humour me a bit :)

My Favourite couple..I do not sense any pretence here they are genuinely in love at least for now..haha we all how know things could go,fingers crossed it will last :).

The Date didn't go so well for the girl but she will stay in the relationship because everyone in school thinks he is cool.


He treats her much better than her ex boy friend did and she makes him happy.


Married for over 30 years and still in love.

Hope we get the holiday we deserve.

Very soon Im going to ask her to marry me.
we have to do something different tonight.

Just married we both hope this marriage lasts.

I hope he changes his mind and decides to stay an extra day.

It's possible that she is not a fan of where they are going.

when did we get so old..*sigh*

*Bored* and when we get home the kids will give troubles.

He may not be perfect but he is the best for me..she nags but I always come back.

I wish he asked me more about what I was feeling instead of going on about football.

Our little family is not so bad after all.

Our daughter is the glue of this marriage.


This was fun..xoxo